Working on the summer guide, my big spring project which I
only have about two weeks to get done on top of everything else I do, is
finally in its finishing stages. Hopefully, I’ll have my end of it done today.
The stress was definitely less this morning (except for the
nuisance blue jays) and was the first day this year I had the slider and front
door open. I went outside early to put up feeders. I can’t resist the little
birds, though I chase off the jays. It was raining, but warm; so warm, I stayed
outside to do a morning yard walk-about. I’m always amazed at how much plants
grow overnight. Very exciting … except for weeds, black flies and mosquitoes,
and my fear of ticks.
I considered moving a few more rocks to create a new flower
garden, but with the wetness, the dirt on the rocks, and the fact I overdid it
a bit yesterday (my back was sc-uh-reaming last night), I decided against it.
But I so wanted to! I stood there surveying my little yard contemplating how I’m
going to extend the new garden. I can’t wait … but I have to take my time, do a
little at a time. It’s the way I need to work nowadays, and that’s OK.
What
is the difference between what I want to do and what I feel I have to
do? What I really want/need to do is paint more and when did I last do any real
writing, like work on a book? I want to do the gardening, too, before the days
get too hot and buggy. These are the things that feed my soul, and I always get
extra stressful when I'm not nourishing my inner being.
I
went through my pile of accumulated notes the other night. I’m always making
lists and writing down thoughts and ideas to work on later, and the pile of
paper gets higher.
There are so many projects and writings I start working on,
but they fall by the wayside. It leaves me feeling incomplete, discombobulated.
For some reason, that latter word comes to my mind a lot. I think it really
describes how I feel often. I've used it often throughout the years.
The
last couple of days I've done my journaling in early evening because I chose
to work in the morning to meet dual deadlines with the summer guide and the
regular weekly edition. That meant I gave up my meditation time. It doesn't
help with it staying lighter later as I'm not getting to my “nesting time”
until later.
