WHO
WE ARE MUSINGS
I
often have the best conversations or “hear” the best lectures when I am in the
shower. Oh, these things that ramble about in the mind. Usually, the subject is
gone by the time I get dressed and do my meditation. This morning, I was
thinking about the self and who we are. Whenever a label is put upon us, how
does that affect WHO we are at the core?
For
instance, being labeled a boy or girl comes with a set of expectations and
rules. When I was young, I very much wished I was a boy. Boys got to do cool
things. I was never much into dolls, but would much rather be playing outside
in the dirt with my brother’s trucks. I remember making roads using a piece of
shingle that had fallen off the house. I loved climbing trees and being out in
the woods; making forts and playing war or cowboys and Indians. (I grew up in
the time of WWII shows like Combat and westerns were popular.) Cooking and
cleaning certainly were of no interest. I wanted a boy’s bike because that was
about being tough.
Something
inside always felt unsettled.
Being
labeled a daughter had different rules from being a son. Sons got to do cool things
with their dads. Daughters were expected to do home type things with their
mothers. And now, considering this further, we didn’t have a conventional
family. My mother wasn’t much of a cook or housekeeper, nor did she sew or do
other housewife-y things and my brother was never into things my father was
like hunting and fishing. But there was still that… society expectation.
Besides
the immediate family labels, there are others. I was a niece which came with
its own set of rules as to how to act around the aunts and uncles. I was always
treated different than my brother, treated less than, from my father’s side of
the family and was always told because I wasn’t a son.
Going
to school added more labels, not only becoming a student, but names other kids
would call me. (Often not nice.) Friend was a tough concept. The couple of early
friends I had were never in the same classes. I didn’t seem to fit in with most
girls and many of them deemed me “coming from the wrong side of town.”
Becoming
a teenager added its own weight as to who I was “supposed to be.” Again, it was
difficult because what most girls my age were into, I didn’t care about.
What
did the label “girlfriend” do to me? More expectations and the giving up more
of the self to try to please a boy and make him like me took over rational
thought; feeling like I would die if I didn’t see him or talk to him. Within a three
short years, I went from girlfriend to wife, mother and working girl. Those
responsibilities totally put on the back burner anything else I might have been
and even who I truly was on the inside and at that age, I didn’t even know who
was that inner me. It was like my life was built on what others wanted of me.
Jobs,
too, carry labels and titles. I had a friend who would often exclaim that it
was a shame that you are defined by “what you do for a living.”
It
was only later when the children were grown and marriages fell apart that I
began to search for the real me. It’s an on-going process and is taking many
years. Many labels will be with me forever, but some, I have been able to let
go and I’ve discovered new ones that make me feel good.
We
acquire many labels throughout life and yes, these labels help define who we
are. Some labels fit and are good, but there are some that we carry for years
that hurt. It’s a process to let go of old labels that do not work for the good
of our being. Sometimes there are those around us who insist on keeping us in
that old state. Some titles no longer fit.
Can
we ever truly know who we are on the inside? What would happen if all those
labels were stripped away? Who would we be? What new labels or current labels
do we want to use to say who we are and who we want to be?
Tell
me.
