The Painting Muse Returned; I’m on Fire

I spent an hour in the studio on Thursday after spending a couple days making a new master list of paintings. I figured out how/where to set up the new tracer/projector and looked at a photo projection onto the paper. (This will be a new avenue for me to explore as I often doubt how I see perspective. I’m hoping the tracer will help.) Oops, the tracer doesn’t work on an in-process painting.

Following the Creek work in progress

I worked on the horizon of 19-009. (I’d started it sometime this summer then got distracted by gardening projects. Now, I’m back in the studio!) I titled it “Creek Along the Road,” didn’t like that title so renamed it “Following the Creek.” I stayed to the left side of the scene because this line of trees was slightly more forward than the right side, and the trees a little more prominent. I worked with pastel pencils, then went on to Senneliers.

The road in the photo is paved, but I want to create a dirt road … as if in the olden days. This will be a challenge. I worked the thinner horizon lines and I re-did the far edge of the top creek angle. Three times I tried to walk away, took photos, then saw something to “fix.”

I was back at it the next day, worked for 45 minutes. I'm always amazed when I notice things in the photo needing to be "fixed" that I didn't notice on the actual painting. Still so much to do.

I completed along the horizon and started adding shadows and color changes in grasses. There’s so much marsh grass, it’s hard to tell. I added more colors and hints of the purple grasses. I kept working the far creek banks.

I slipped back in the studio after viewing the photo and attempted to make the top section of the creek look like it’s winding back to the right. (Didn’t take a new photo.)

On Saturday, I took a break from editing to work in the studio. There's so much I want to (should do) like put tarps over the wicker furniture under the deck, get out the outside Christmas lights and work on that while it's a decent day ... but the studio called louder.

I worked all over, just working on whatever spoke to me in the moment. My paintings often come out a little dark (my photos do, too.) I don't know if that's how I see because when I try to go lighter, I'm not as happy with it. It looks like I'm matching the photo colors ... but once the fixative is sprayed and it's matted and under glass, it'll be even darker. Another lesson to figure out.

I ached from standing at the easel an hour. I might have it too high. I'm waiting to finish this painting, then I'll pull the easel out of the corner and lower it ... not as easy as it sounds (for me.)

I always find the learning curves interesting. You'd think after painting for years I'd have it all down pat, but there's a consistent evolution. Mediums changed, my style changes, technique gets better. The journey is fascinating, and I laugh at myself often now.

I’m still struggling with the impressionism aspect with the style. I keep wanting to put in those precise, detailed lines on the horizon like in the photo, but that doesn’t work with what I’m doing now. It’d be different if I was doing drawings but painting with pastels doesn’t allow me to do that.

Yes, I know there are pastel artists who do detailed work, but I’m not that focused. I need the softness, the smoothness. I am not as loose as other artists, so I’m trying to find my own way and develop my own style. 

Today, I was back at it after finishing the editing work and putting together my weekly column for the paper. This fell into one of those “don’t like it” days. I kept pushing until my knees were screaming and I had to sit down.

The photo I took of the progress had me heading back to make a couple of adjustments. There, better! I still have quite a bit to do … maybe I can finish this one tomorrow.

As always, the painting looks amazing from about 5 feet away.

Getting Back on the Artistic Horse

This morning there is a lot less ice in the brook than yesterday. Warmer temperatures and overnight rain melted most.

Yesterday was an interesting day. I fell into being a bit pissed with myself, but I'm really proud I was able to pull myself out. I stopped the downward spiral.

Creek Along the Road -- work in process

I worked in the studio for a while. I've done little this summer as a lot of time was spent out in the gardens. I hadn't realized how far behind I’d fallen with art timelines and note taking. I like keeping track of my progress to see where I struggled and where I made revelations.

I was frustrated when I couldn't find notes on what I'd done earlier -- and then, with the latest painting, I hadn't even started a spreadsheet on it! I can't believe that. I always start a spreadsheet, right off the bat! This means I don't even have a start date. I just know it was after June 4 because that's when I took the photos for inspiration.

So, the afternoon was spent going back through photos, and skimming logbooks and journals. I know I wrote about my work and progress! Why can't I find the notes? Arrghhh! I've struggled with this painting and to have the notes to look back on will help me with future paintings. 

But, in spite of my frustration, I didn't fall far down the rabbit hole this time. I caught myself and even though I continued to look, I didn't totally crash. (See the work with learning to live wholeheartedly is paying off!) I kept telling myself I have to go on from here, move forward. I didn't even beat myself up for wasting the entire afternoon looking for the info. I had to satisfy myself that, at least, I did look.

The interesting thing about yesterday's painting was deciding to spray fixative on the sky. I hadn’t tried doing a quick spray early on to try to stabilize the pastel. I’d been struggling getting the branches of the foreground tree right, and every time I messed up, I’d push tree color into the sky, then have to repair the sky ... again … and I like my skies.

My goal was to "fix" the sky so when I began adding more upper tree branches, I wouldn't muddy the sky with the charcoal and tree-color pastels. I hoped, with a quick spray, the smell wouldn't be bad. Taking the paper outside in the cold isn't such a good idea ... plus painter's tape doesn't hold a second time meaning I'd have to re-tape the paper back to the easel board.

It's not a good idea spraying fixative indoors, either! Even with the air purifier on, the room smelled awful after just a couple of quick squirts. I couldn't stay in there at all. Well, that didn't work. Next time I'll pull the paper and bring it outside no matter how cold. I let the air purifier run a couple hours and the room still smelled. I haven't checked to see how the pastel sky color are fixed, but I'm feeling good about it.

Lessons: Don't let the paintings sit a long time. Start and get it done! Keep up with the timelines and notes for future reference. Go back to spending 10-15 minutes daily or every other day -- I don't have to work for hours at a time.

Goodness, I feel I have a ton of catching up to do. I took almost the entire summer off from painting, distracted with other projects. But I remember how to ride a bicycle. I'm getting back on the horse!

The rain turns to big fat flakes of snow. It took only 15 minutes for a layer of heavy, wetness to lay on the deck and ground, and snow is sticking to branches and evergreen boughs. I took photos when it first changed, but I’m tempted to grab the camera again as the snow thickens on rocks in the brook making the big boulder look like some kind of fresh-water whale.

Living Wholeheartedly: Further Defining What It Means for Me

I came across the term “wholehearted living” from reading Brene Brown’s “The Gift of Imperfection.” Those two words spoke volumes, not in actual words, but in how the term reverberated through my soul. A fire was lit. This was it! This is what I’ve been working towards all along, and I grabbed onto that concept as if it was lifeline.

What first popped up in my mind were words about being a better person, such as: honesty, integrity, kindness, honor, gentle but strong; those qualities that define a good, kind person. Words I feel are important for living a good life. Ideals I want and believe I am. But it’s so much more …

And once I became aware, it began slowly working within me all the time. I’d catch myself in times of stress asking myself how I can live more wholeheartedly. I’d catch myself going down the rabbit holes of frustration and despair, but then those words would ring in my brain and I’d pull myself out. Live wholeheartedly!

I find I’m laughing at myself over certain situations. I’ve never done that before! Things that would upset me for days I am now seeing them in a different light. I’m able to re-look at how I’m reacting, reminding myself to live wholeheartedly and going over the few key words as to what living wholeheartedly means for me.

As time goes on, the life lessons and self-work continue to evolve. Life isn’t reading a chapter, taking a test and being done with it. Life constantly deals out lessons and challenges. It’s a continuing education. So, what does it mean to me to live a wholehearted life?

Wholehearted living does not have a how-to formula. It’s not something with specific steps, not a one-size-fits-all; our lives are not cookie cutters. It’s not about copying Brown’s work into my lifestyle because we live totally different lives. It’s about taking her basic concept and reforming it to my life – mentally and spiritually. Yes, some things ring true, but other aspects I need to change around and put my words to it.

I’m developing my own definitions to fit me at this stage of my life. It’s not about setting my beliefs as gospel for anyone else. It’s taking the concepts resonating in me and turning them into assets for my life.

I am choosing how I want to live my life and I’m “daring greatly” (another term she uses) to talk about it. I’m sharing my experience in how I’m finding my way in this world. I write about coping with life issues; not as a sob-woe-is-me story, but to share how I deal with the challenges and how I’m always striving to be a better person … not to prove something to others, but to live the most wholehearted life I can.

I think about what living wholeheartedly means, and beyond those first words I mentioned above are peacefulness, calmness, patience, resilience, doing the best I can, goodness and determination. There are also the clichés of going with the flow and finding balance. But I also consider: Taking the time to ask for Divine help/guidance; being true to self; allowing for imperfection; looking for joy and beauty every day; loving when I can and forgiving when I can, setting boundaries.

Creating boundaries is a bit of a toughie, but necessary for someone empathetic. Setting boundaries for me means cutting myself of from negativity/anger; not falling into media hype traps and avoiding people/corporations trying to sell me the next best thing.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean cutting myself off from the world – although I am consciously doing so in many cases. It doesn’t mean I don’t have compassion. It’s about choosing what I can comfortably allow into my life. It’s about changing what I’m thinking about the minute I start falling into despair by some negative comment or event.  

It’s still a work in progress. I’m sure other aspects will surface, and I’ll make adjustments.

What does/would it mean to you to live wholeheartedly?