Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Yesterday I started packing linens and filled a large tote box. There are three bathrooms in this house and I live alone. Do I need so many sets of sheets in various sizes, towels, facecloths, and curtain components? Do I need a pile of cloth napkins and placemats? I prefer cloth over paper, but I am one person and the couple of times anyone is over for a meal, we usually use paper napkins at that point.
I do not do this packing/downsizing well. How can I get rid of items without knowing where I’m moving? I don’t know what colors will be in my new home and I can’t afford to buy all new items. (Oh, I’d love to buy all new items if I could.) Do I need a myriad of curtain tie-backs and an odd panel here and another with a different pattern there?
Last night during TV time, I re-went through that box and pulled out items and the extras that I definitely do not need. I can’t let myself think about cost or the condition of the items. That doesn’t matter. What matters is the downsizing! At the moment, I’ve only filled two bags that will go bye-bye, but it’s a start and is something that will not go to the new home.
Another consideration is renting a pod to put all that I’m keeping. Cleaning out this house will help me see (I have a problem visualizing space versus the size of items) what can go to the new home and what needs to be disposed. Unfortunately, that rental is at a cost and I have to be very aware of my finances. What if the two months extend into four or six? And if I have to rent a place to live until my new home is ready, there goes money that would go towards the new home.
Oh, if I could be a Jeannie and blink my eyes and nod my head and everything would be magically all set and ready. (That’s a reference to an old TV show “I Dream of Jeannie”).
Monday, June 29, 2015
Yesterday was a total crash and burn emotionally. Today I am determined to remain upbeat. I woke up thinking about getting the new home and trying to picture the various places we looked at on Friday. It helped having Don and Carol with me. Friday was a quick viewing and I mostly looked at layout, woodwork/cabinets, counter tops, storage/closets, and bathrooms. I was pleased to see that most master bedrooms had an en suite – something very important to me although I have no use for a garden/soaker bathtub (just a big dust collector). I have to have a good-sized walk-in shower. Hmmm, maybe I could use the tub for all my plants as there will be little space in the rest of the home.
This morning I am thinking about how dark the homes were. Was that because the building were mush smaller? It could have been because curtains were closed to keep out the sun, other buildings were close which blocked the light, or the windows were smaller than I’m used to. I am also considering how my furniture and possessions will fit in a much smaller space (something I’ve not been able to visualize). Now that I’ve seen actual space, I’m doubtful my current furniture will fit. I will have to downsize the king-sized bed to a queen and get rid of all my bookcases unless I get a third bedroom. I’m getting rid of most the books anyway so I don’t need the bookcases.
I want to make another trip up to Camelot in Tilton. That’s not saying I’m definitely getting one of those homes, but being able to see the layout and space will help me figure out how much I need to get rid of before I move. This time I will not only pay attention to the layout, but I’ll be more focused on how my things will work in the room.
One thing I disliked about the storage spaces was the use of the wire shelving. We had that in our Barrington home and I hated it. I want real shelves and I want built-ins in the closets so I can get rid of bureaus. This is a big leap going from a 3,000 SF home to 1,000 or under. Yes, I will be getting rid of a lot, but I still have to live and have accommodations for art supplies and clothes.
I am so ready to move out of this house. I’ll miss the view, but with all the shrubs cut down by the new owner, it just doesn’t feel the same here. The joy of sitting in this space while working is gone and it now depresses me.
That is a good thing, in a way, because this sealed the deal almost more than the signing of the papers. I am done here and now can’t get out fast enough.
I see an estate sale in the near future.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
I don’t handle this well. I don’t like shopping and to be shopping for a home is 100 times worse. I’m at the point where I’ve put off my writing and art so long that it’s affecting my health. Yes, I write for the newspaper, and I love what I do, but it’s not the same as writing my travel stories and working with the photographs taken during the travels.
This morning I started checking other modular home places online. It’s so tedious and depressing. I also checked realtor.com for homes for sale and only got through two towns before I had to give up because I was stressing too much.
I need to be happy and excited. I’m starting a brand new chapter in my life. I know what I want. I really don’t think I’m asking for much, but perhaps I am because what I want does not fit the average Joe. I’m not an average Joe. I am planning my forever home and because it will be my last home, I want what I want. I don’t want to settle for less-than as I have in the past two homes and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fixing up a place to fit my style.
I have two months to get out of here which means I’ll probably have to store all my possessions and rent a small place for me ‘n Pele for a short time until I find my new home. I keep hoping something will pop up in time, but time’s running out.
I still have lots of packing to do and will be getting rid of lots.
There was a bit of excitement on Friday as Don, Carol, and I went to look at modular/manufactured homes in Tilton. It was fun looking at the different places, floor plans, configurations, cabinet styles and all that. I could do something like that. I don’t need granite counter tops or hardwood floors or anything fancy.
Friday, June 26, 2015
Art on the Back Burner… and falling off the stove
Many of you probably know I sold my house. I’ve not found a new place yet and the new owner is letting me stay here until the end of August. He started clearing up the yard. Yesterday he trimmed up trees out back and cut down all the shrubs along the back of the house - rhododendrons, azaleas, yews, etc. The house looks naked.
It is his house now and I have no say. It does look nice, but it’s a big change and I feel exposed sitting in front of the window. Where are the little birdies going to go? He’s also convincing me to throw stuff out, which, those of you who know me and knew my mother, know it’s hard for me. Yeah, in some aspects, I am my mother’s daughter.
I’m in a bit of a panic about finding a new home. I know what I want, but it’s looking like I can’t find it in the area I want. I love the Sunapee/Kearsarge region and want to stay in the InterTown Record reader area (for my job as editor). Plus, I do love it here and I have more friends now than ever before.
Then there’s the packing and the squeezing of 3,000 SF to under 1,000. My goal is to find a home under 1,000 SF. It’s a struggle because my art mind kicks in and I always think I can make something out of everything. I keep joking with friends that I need someone to go behind me and when I put something in a box, they could move it to a garbage bag. It’s hard for me because my mind jumps to how much something cost and to just throw it away feels so wrong. But I have to let go.
My art has taken a back seat with all this and I’ve always been one that if I am not drawing, taking photographs, writing, or painting, I start feeling like I’m losing my mind. I haven’t worked on my new book for months. I’ve got other stories to write and drawings to finish. But that can’t happen for awhile and I am sad.
Yes, my job allows me to write as I pick up stories and interviews (along with the editing and the community calendar and weekly column), but it’s not the same as writing my travel stories.
All the stress saps my energy. I’m so tired all the time. But I believe in miracles and a new home will come.