Another Tough Lesson Learned

I took on a commission job to help someone. I jumped in with both feet eager to help and share my expertise. However, it did not go so well. I over stressed and was frustrated. I crashed and burned. It wasn’t totally my fault, but I was devastated to have failed, or think I failed in someone else’s eyes. I didn’t fail. I stuck with my integrity! I put a lot of time into this project.

I don’t like to let anyone down, but I need to be true to myself. It is what it is. I got out my big drum and drummed away the negativity. I meditated, settling into the spaces between the sounds after I stopped drumming. (Sounds weird, but it’s a cool experience.) After awhile I got up and went outside to do Tai Chi feeling the wet earth on my bare feet; ground and center, ground and center, work with heaven and earth energies. 

Back inside I picked up Doreen Virtue’s book “The Courage to Create.” I didn’t get far in the current chapter because the words jumped off the page at me. Talk about fitting the situation! I grabbed a pen and began writing a few affirmations:

• Distraction is a time-waster -- (I let this other “job” distract me from my real work)

• My creative passion is so strong I don’t want to do anything else! – (When was the last time I felt this way? When was the last time I did MY art work? I let everything distract me.)

• My passion for MY work will cause my audience to be passionate about it. 

• I am emotionally satisfied with my work. – (Again, I haven’t really done anything recently about my personal art work and I’m missing it.)

• My work must be a natural extension of myself. – (And I realized this other job was not natural for me. Yes, I did have some passion because I wanted to please, and there was a writing aspect, but it wasn’t a comfortable fit.)

• Perfection is impossible. – (I still try and I’m devastated when something doesn’t go right.)

The distraction, which I allow, is causing too much stress. It’s time to get my act together. I need to decide what’s really important and make sure I do it. Yes, I love Facebook and email and it helps me to not feel lonely, but it’s too distracting. I have to get away from the computer and spend time in front of my easel.

I’ve already made some moves in this direction by spending time in the flower gardens. Now I need to make time to draw. I can do it!