Chasing the High

I watched an “American Masters” program last night on Janis Joplin. I knew some of her story as she is a rock and roll legend; one of those 60s icons, but I don’t know much about her personally.

I was surprised to see that some of her childhood, especially as it pertained to school, was similar to mine. I know that despair of never feeling liked, of being ridiculed by classmates, being an outcast, never being accepted, and of never feeling pretty. 

In some aspects, she was stronger than I and had more courage. She could sing and that, at least, gave her an in with some. (I could sing, too, but never had the confidence to do anything about it.) She went off to her fame… and eventual death at a young age.

Janis’ story stirred me to know more and is line with these studies I’m doing about the thinking of the mind. She used a metaphor to Dick Cavett (I think that’s who it was) during an interview of mule carts with the carrot dangling in front of the animals to keep them moving. She likened women to the mules – always striving to reach (something). 

I woke up this morning thinking about that metaphor; that always trying to reach a high (whatever that high would be for someone). It reminded me of a comment I heard from a good friend. She said she is always looking for the high you get when you are first madly in love with someone. How many others are searching for a similar type of high? And how high is high?

I call this a super-high; one that is occasional, fleeting, or may last for awhile, but then it’s gone. And what happens when that high breaks like a bubble. How far does one fall? Do you crash and burn or do you don on the mule coat and continue chasing that proverbial carrot? 

Am I searching for some kind of a high myself? I don’t think so. Yes, I want to be happy and yes, I do have an occasional high, but I don’t know that I’ve really ever experienced one of those super-highs. Or maybe it was that the subsequent crash and burn killed any desire to go through that again. I like to think my life is more on an even-keel. Yes, I have some highs and I have many lows, but they are seldom extreme. 

I also believe I have some kind of self-preservation built inside. That something inside tells me that the super-highs are not true happiness or not a long-term happiness. Are super-highs happiness found outside the self? For instance, believing that someone else can make us happy or if we have such and such we will be happy. It’s like the super-highs are also a drug and can be addictive.

And so, I’m curious. I want to know what people are thinking in their quest for the super-high and the consequences that come with it. Many turn to drugs and alcohol to get that high. A part of me is appalled at how someone could do that, while another part of me totally understands. And I want to understand.

What are we willing to do in our quest for happiness? I suppose it depends on the individual. It depends on what we think will make us happy. While I do get happiness from others, I know I can’t rely on that physical “fix.” I have to find the things within that fills me with happiness. Sometimes it is very simple like watching the birds. And of course, I get a lot of happiness with my writing. It’s helping me understand life and, as I keep saying, it’s like going on an adventure.

The quest for happiness – is this what it’s about?

My next trip to the library will be for a biography on Janis Joplin.