Today it’s hitting me about my attitude towards learning anything new. This is a strange statement to make because I have learned so much these past few years and I’m constantly learning something new. However, I have been graced with a few awesome opportunities, and because there are huge (for me) learning curves, I’ve totally balked at taking these advantages. This is causing me guilt and grief. It would be awful to blow these chances.
Learning these programs will greatly increase my online presence, help me be a better photo editor, and give me greater ability to get my books written. These programs will be immensely helpful, yet every time I pick up the book to study or make the attempt to practice on the computer, my mind totally turns into a snarling mess of angry, confused snakes.
What’s with that? Is it about following book directions? Is it about trying to work through all the lessons on subjects I don’t care about to find the meat and potatoes of what I want to do? It’s easier to just stay with the old and familiar programs.
So, I procrastinate. I put it off. I promise myself I will get to it. I get a whiny, “I don’t know where to start” mantra in my mind and I keep promising myself, “One of these days I’ll get to it.”
Yesterday, a friend posted a saying from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “If you believe it’s going to be difficult to learn something new, you’ll experience the difficulty you predicted.”
Gosh, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing! It’s all about my attitude. Duh!
Then last night I was reading “Greatly Daring” by Brene Brown. She defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
This is it, too. Learning this new stuff definitely fits the uncertainty subject. I don’t like the not knowing. I don’t want to “practice”… why isn’t practice a four-letter word! It will take too much time. And reading what to do isn’t like someone showing me what to do. Reading means I have to decipher what is written if I don’t fully understand. (Do I sound like a little girl throwing a temper tantrum? That’s what I feel like when thinking about this.)
It’s risk. Do I take the courage to delve into these new lands? Sometimes I like ruts. I’m comfortable knowing what I know. I feel I’m leaping into the unknown where there’s the fear of failure. What if I can’t do it? (But, I know I can.)
Then there’s the emotional exposure, and for me, that will be living up to what I learn. I will have to put myself out there with these new tools. I’ll really have to get working on my books (and I’ve been dragging my feet about this, too). I’ll have to do better photography. Plus there’s the guilt of wasting a gift that someone was gracious enough to give me. How bad is that?!!!
Maybe the messages and readings these past two days are telling me it’s time. I have to give up the belief I’m lazy and just do it. I am NOT lazy! I do a lot every day. However, I can do things better. I have to make the time to learn the new programs. (This reminds me of my mother always wanting the magic pill from the doctor to make her better. I want the magic to automatically drop the new knowledge in my head so I already know it.)
A final note: Another message coming through lately is not focusing on the end result, but enjoying the experience of the journey.
Yep, I need to adjust my attitude, forget about the end result and allow myself to have fun on the journey of learning.
I CAN DO THIS!
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