Thursday, December 1, 2016

An Artists Revelation

Liking My Drawings When my Technique Isn’t the Style of Art I Like
or
A Revelation in Who I Am As an Artist

This morning as I was journaling about my drawing (the one finished and the new one started) I had a revelation: My drawings are similar to me! My technique is loose, using charcoal and pastel, with lines that are not well-defined. I create an illusion of detail.

I have blurred lines myself. I am not elegant or fine-detailed. I don’t have sharp angles. I am more spread out. I do not focus solely on one project at a time and, at any moment, get distracted into doing something else. I never fit into one category. I am soft and squishy; rub me the wrong way and I smudge. 

And yet, there are moments when I can be well-defined. I do hold strong beliefs on particular subjects and, at times, I can be quite stubborn. For the most part, though, it is easier for me to fade to the background than stand up against stronger-willed personas.

What does all this mean? Nothing, really, it’s just amusing to me and it’s helping me to understand who I am as an artist.

The bigger revelation is the style in which I draw (more of impressionism) is not a style of painting I particularly care for. Yes, I like it from a distance, but up close, I see flaws and blurriness (and I don’t like blurry). The art that is pleasing to me is more of the realistic style with clearly defined lines and true-to-life color. 

I’ve never understood Impressionism; the blurred image paintings or photographs. Impressionism is basically capturing images without detail using bold colors while portraying changing light with shadows often boldly painted under bright blue sky.

So, how is it my style of drawing is using technique that is not pleasing to my eye?  And why am I only realizing this now after working in charcoal for years? Maybe I was even fooling myself with the “illusion of detail. 

Part of it, too, could be my own fear of inadequacy because I never had proper art training. It’s not that I couldn’t learn, but at this age, I wouldn’t want to take the time learning techniques and practicing. And sometimes I don’t think I “see” like other people.

At least I now have more understanding why I struggle with my drawings. Somehow I have learned to be more of an impressionist without realizing I was doing so. And now that I have this new awakening, am I OK with it?

Yes! I have to be. It’s who I am. It’s who I am because ever since getting into charcoal drawing, there’s been a part of me that, once I get the initial background layer in place, I kind of let the drawing draw itself. I’m just the tool, at that point, and the photograph is only a guideline. I am not trying to recreate the exact image. Something else takes over my arms (I work both right and left handed). Sometimes I don’t even know why I do what I’m doing to that drawing, but I go with the feeling, and it’s only for a few moments at a time. 

Because then, the logical part of my brain kicks in and I start questioning what I’ve put on the paper. I have to overcome the self-critic talk and continue. The drawing knows what it wants to do.

It’s funny, but now that I can say I am in/near some kind of stylistic category, I feel better about what I’m doing. Now I can be OK when I get that “Done!” message, I can walk away and not keep trying to tweak it. (The tweaking never seems to make it better). I am not into fine detail. My drawings will always be slightly blurred. Maybe I have to stop seeing it as blurred.

Did Edouard Manet, Edgar Degas, or Claude Monet see at their paintings as blurred? Do other artists who paint in this style or photographers who purposely blur their images? It’s all about art; the art that is inside us. It is who we are as artists and that driving force that compels us to stand before the easels or get out the camera.

Today I am eager to get to the easel and see how I view the current drawing with this new insight.







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