Monday, August 1, 2016

Moving Forward with My Creative Life

Last night I got out markers and 3X5 colored index cards and while watching TV, I wrote up some new affirmation cards based on the reading done earlier. (See the July 31 posting). I place these cards around the house to put in my face what I want to hear. And I decided that I should read these cards aloud every day, at least once.

One of the sayings that really struck me was “Think ONLY thoughts of love and success and that’s what I’ll get.” I repeated the words “love and success” over and over throughout the night; every time my thoughts started to spiral downward. I included the words in my gratitude prayers at bedtime and I repeated them when I got up during the night, and I was able to fall back to sleep quickly without mulling over negative thoughts. 

I began the love and success mantra again upon waking and getting ready for the day. I project love and success outward and take in love and success returning. I feel better today (mentally) than I have for awhile. I’m not allowing myself to get stressed.

I was even able to journal about yesterday’s issues with objectivity and I began planning where I intend to go from here. My art career has been on hold for over a year as I’ve been distracted by the house, garden, and getting to know my new community. Time is flying by. When am I going to get back to doing my real art?

It dawned on me that I’ve been spending too much time on Facebook. Those seconds or minutes it takes to read and respond add up and take up a lot of time; time I could be doing something more constructive, and now that my studio is cleaner, I am eager to get to the easel and begin drawing again.

“My creative passion is so strong I don’t want to do anything else.” What an awesome statement. But what IS my creative passion at this point? When was the last time I felt that? Distractions and other projects have taken over my life. I am pleased with how I’ve Sasha-fied my house and the flower gardens and yard are looking amazing and while there are creative endeavors there, that’s not my true passion.

I am a writer foremost and that’s a driving force, but there are different kinds of writing. I write stories for the newspaper, I write up interviews, and I put together and write a weekly column. I write letters and emails. The editing and calendar work with the newspaper also has to do with words. Half the time when I’m talking to people now I am thinking that would be a great story.

“My work must be a natural extension of myself.” The type of writing mentioned above, while I enjoy it, is not the passion of my personal writing; when I write for me. The writing above has to be done without emotion. My writing passion is all on an emotional level. Feelings drive me. The emotions behind thought patterns drive me. My goal through my writing is not only for self-healing, but that perhaps some of what I experience may help others, too.

When was the last time I had one of those emotional, creative, in-flow of words that pour out onto the page? March or was it February, and then it was just a couple of days. What about finishing the two in-process books? The distractions of the house and other work blocked that spontaneous creative flow along with the stress that rose within.

I have kept to photography by participating in a photo-a-day project which keeps me using the camera. Plus I’ve been taking pictures of the gardens and house as I make changes. But still, these are not photography as art. I haven’t used the photo printers in almost a year (and that means I’ll probably have to replace all the ink cartridges – well over $100 for all).

And there’s the drawing. I now have space at the easel and every day when I’m on my air walker I’m looking at the half finished piece taped to the drawing board. There’s a strong desire to draw, but where am I going with it? What do I want to do; where do I want it to go? Will it sit in the back room in a foam wrapper? Will I just hang it on my walls? 

But I have to do art! I have to.

So while some of the verdict as to my art direction is still wavering a bit, I am feeling more confident in what I want to do. And what’s funny is that it is always what I want to do. Sometimes I just let those distractions distract me.

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