The Hole in My Life

A good part of my life has felt in limbo for over a year with the home selling, searching for a new home, downsizing, the actual move, settling in, and renovating. My entire art career was put on hold except for the newspaper work and a couple of photo commission projects. I’d been saying that 2016 will be the year for changes and now I am ready to put new fire in my art career. I am ready to get back to “Living the Life of an Artist,” as stated on my blog.

However, 2016 did not start off with the big bang I envisioned. The reno work was still holding me back. Now we are into April and I still need the garage built to give a little extra storage room so I have inside space to move around and create.

I also had to take into consideration where I want to go in my career. I waited for that burst of enlightenment. It didn’t come. What I did realize is that what I have been doing as an artist is what I want to be doing. Yes, there is room to improve and grow and I am willing, but the words are still the same, those words that describe me.

It was time to restate my career intentions. I’ve done a couple new ads and I’m working on updating my website. (I do all the changes to my website template before sending all off to Dr. Bob to install said updates, so be patient awhile longer as I perfect how I want the site to look.)

But something feels missing. Artist, author, editor, photographer; yes, I have multiple realms in which I work, so what is missing? I feel there is a hole, a dark abyss.

I had a great conversation with my building contractor yesterday about the path to enlightenment. Last week I had Facebook chat with a new friend who asked if I knew about Brene Brown. (I looked her up and she has written books and has done lectures on subjects which I am very into – emotions.) I always find it refreshing to have deep conversations with men because it doesn’t happen often. (My ex used to tell me that’s what I have girlfriends for.) 

This morning it hit me. That hole that is in my line of what I do is… spirituality. When I think about everything I do, the Who I AM, it’s always artist, author, editor, photography. I am not one without the others. This is who I am. BUT! I am spiritual and even though I say gratitude prayers every night, spirituality is not something I promote. But that is the hole… or what fills the hole.

Hmmm, very interesting… and I’m not sure where to go with this…

I AM SPIRIT!      I AM A SPIRITUAL BEING!

This IS part of who I am. It IS who I am. I trained and studied for many years various aspects of spirituality and healing. I may not be physically doing massage any more. I don’t have a Tai Chi class at the moment. I’m not leading support groups or meditation classes. But it is still in me. It comes out when I talk to people (whether they or I know it at the moment). I always know it’s there. It’s automatic. It’s what I do; who I am. It’s that certain trust I put in higher power, Great Spirit, Great Creator, God, Buddha, whomever, that when I open my mouth (outside of my own personal whining, ha ha) the words that come forth are not only just from me. There is something greater that works through me. I trust in that greatness.

And every once in a while, I have to be reminded that that greatness works through me. Thank you.

The hole in my life – isn’t really a hole – it is oneness with all that is. It is the wonder and awe of life. It is something bigger than we can imagine and only once in awhile do I get a glimpse. Wow.