Tuesday, September 22, 2015

A Walk in the Past

Today in looking through that old notebook to record poems written there onto the computer, I reach the year 2007 and 2008. Here are writings of doctors’ appointments and long waits in waiting rooms. Here is some of the anguish as we dealt with my mother’s declining health (mental and physical) and my own declining mental well-being. I could not be the daughter she wanted me to be and that cut a hole in my heart.

Feeling Lost

Asking questions
I cannot answer
searching for truths
only she can find

I soothe the energies
reach invisible arms
of comfort
of listening
of understanding

I know the pain
I once walked
these very shores
crying my heart out
to the wind.


Tunnels and rock
square, hard, and dusty
the narrowing chokes
breath and mind
saps all strength

Nothing to feel
but fear and terror
filling my entire soul
I can’t go on

What was this
that happened
the other night?

What was this fear 
that had me trapped
in my own mind?

I fought my way
out of the dream
missing the message.

And, of course, there are words of past relationships:


I thought I was
but I was wrong

I thought he was
but he wasn’t

Was I wrong to trust?

I wonder
but I cannot be
anything else
but what I am. 


Words cut deep
a cold jagged knife
shreading my soul, 
leaving me questioning
my very being

Hurtful words ripped
through my heart
creating a bleeding gaping hole
filled with tears
my eyes cannot shed

I have become
an empty wasteland
in a body lost of joy
sorrow grows like mold
its seeping ugliness
spreads through my mind 
screaming obscenities
to the wind

What did I do wrong?

My cries echo
through the barren canyons
of my mind
until my tongue lies still
and eyes leak the pain
I cannot hide

For now
I am dead
there’s no hiding
from the grief
of shattered friendship

(From two poems originally written 09/12/08; edited 09/22/15 – SW)


To heal
I must let
time and nature
melt the pain

My soul
I must sink 
into the earth
where the womb
of the Great Mother
will bring me
back to life.

--SW 09/12/08

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